Whelmed

One of my favorite movie quotes is from the movie, "10 Things I Hate about You." Two teen girls are walking along and one says to the other, "I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" For me then answer is no.

I'm a mother of 4 who works full-time and likes to serve in my community and church. I am the living breathing definition of overwhelmed. I tried the Stay at Home mom gig for a few years but found I was underwhelmed. Darned if I do and darned if I don't. If I had to choose I would say, for me, being overwhelmed is much better than being underwhelmed.

I know what you're thinking, if I didn't have so many kids I wouldn't be overwhelmed. Trust me, I was overwhelming myself long before those guys showed up. In college I remember being a full time student with a work study job, a part time job at a video store, a part time as a youth pastor, on the debate team and doing community service. To be honest I say no to more requests for help with activities because of the kids. Sorry, I can't find a babysitter for that day.

I hope to someday be in a state of whelmed, but in the mean time I have developed some ground rules the keep me from becoming too overwhelmed.

1. I leave my work at the office: This means don't bring home actual work, stress, worries or attitude as a result of the work day. I like to visualize packing all my work thoughts in an imaginary briefcase and setting it on my desk just before I exit my office. It sound's psycho, but it works.

2. When I get home, I spend time paying attention to the kids: The kids behave so much better when I'm paying attention to them. Even if I just include them when I'm cooking dinner and cleaning up. When I'm busy with kid's activities in the evening I'm not the parent that drops and runs. I can see how my kids feel loved when I hanging out to watch their efforts and cheer them on. I know this sounds like more work but it is an investment. Your positive attention has a direct effect on their good behavior which in turn has an effect on your stress level. (If your TV shows are that important, seriously, get a DVR and include that activity in tip 3.)

3. I take time everyday for myself: This is usually catching the shows I recorded to the DVR or when nothing of interest is on I read a book. I know parents have a lot of chores to do, but it's ok to put certain things off, or have the kids help with chores so you can get more accomplished in a shorter amount of time.

The End of an Era

This morning I asked Morgan if she wanted pancakes or french toast for breakfast. Normally a toddler would choose one or will repeat the last thing they hear. This morning, when I asked that question, Morgan's reply was, "both." This was the moment I realized she has reached one of my favorite milestones. She is formulating her own thoughts and asserting her opinion. You know this stage, most people refer to is as the terrible twos. Call me crazy but so far this is my favorite age. From a psychological standpoint I find it fascinating. This needless baby is figuring out what she wants and is now communicating it to me. It makes me think about all the developmental growth her brain has gone through over the past two years. She is becoming her own person and I have the privileged of witnessing this miracle. It can be frustrating when I tell her it's bed time and her reply is, "No! I don't like bedtime!!" I teach my children that it is acceptable to voice their opinion, but we still have boundaries and everyone has to do things they don't feel like doing. One thing stood out about today's epiphany. Morgan is my youngest of four children. When the others reached this stage I always had another baby to enjoy nurturing while I moved into a new phase with my older children. It breaks my heart a little bit knowing I will never experience this stage again. It's alright though, in a few years I will need all my strength to deal with the next era. AHHHH TEENAGERS!!